What I Am
by The Romanticidal Edwardian
Summary: That girl, so much like the deer before me that knows not that death watches it, is to blame. I dare not think her name now. Lest I turn around. - Edward loses control. Just once. One-shot.


_Just once in my life…  
__I think it'd be nice.  
__Just to lose control.  
__Just once.  
__And leave all the pretty flowers,  
__In the dust._

I am the hunter.

There is blue and green light all around me. Standing on a rock in the middle of the murky, overcast forest, I embody these creature's worst nightmares. A glorious demon come to destroy them all.

I am the predator.

I fly through these trees, ferns, muddy dirt and tall grass like the winds from hell.

I _am _all there is to fear.

I see the deer - so warm and peaceful, living out it's mundane existence in this wet, gloomy place. It knows nothing except the small pool from which it drinks. It fears death instinctively without ever having to understand what it means. But it doesn't think about it now. It curls out it's tongue, drinking the life-giving substance to the weak creatures, whose bodies can go no more than two days without it. It knows not that its death is watching from behind the tree; watching with my black eyes.

I am here to quench my thirst.

It burns at my throat, constantly. A never ending trickle of flame that licks at my insides, reaching the places it could not if a soul resided in this body's depths. It is always present. Always.

I am even more aware of it now.

That girl, so much like the deer before me that knows not that death watches it, is to blame. I dare not think her name now. Lest I turn around.

I am more animal than man at this moment.

All of my senses train on the innocent victim before me, and I breathe in deeply. Bombarded by scents, I only concentrate on the one thing that matters: wet and warm, it will fill me. Cure me, for now, of the burning that the girl has worsened. I focus on the throbbing veins I see throughout, under the coating of coarse brown fur. _Slurp, lap, slurp_. Oblivious. Keep drinking, weak thing. I will end you soon enough. I will forever rid you of your fear, though you will only satiate me somewhat for such a brief time. It seems like quite an unfair trade.

I am designed to kill.

I deliberately lean my weight forward on the piece of twig beneath my foot. It snaps, as expected, and the deer's thick neck snaps up. The veins are pounding, bounding with blood; I can practically see the rush of it through the throbbing. _You're afraid. As you should be_. Smirking, I snap the wood some more till it is naught but dust, and I watch as my senseless quarry finally finds its own, and decides to flee. _But you can't escape me_.

I am everywhere.

Faster than its wildest imagination. I follow my prey without thinking; without trying; without effort; without _anything_. It is far too easy, this murder that I employ. Like the shadow, like the reaper, I run right next to the animal. Its eye is wide and…_brown_. Another pair of eyes that I know so well now are much the same. Its black lips pull back in a scared sound, its teeth barred but harmless. _You poor pathetic thing_.

I am free from myself.

Without thought, and without control, nothing more than a more superior animal. Focused, set on my target. This _thirst_. It makes me fall undone, it makes me like this. My mind is empty of everything except the weak scent of this poor being's red delight. Disappointment stabs my dead heart. Even in my unenlightened state I still know that even after all is said and done, it won't be enough.

I am _burning_.

And then. Something else. Something better. Something sweeter. _Yes…_

I am turning away.

_So _close. I know _she_ is. I can smell her. The foolish mortal. It is obviously a sign of fate. They _want _me to have her. They _want _my burning to go away. I _want _her. I want my mouth on her neck, I want my teeth piercing her thin skin, I want to feel that first delicious rush of blood as it gushes into my mouth, so warm and alive and _filling_. And it will taste so good. Like flowers. It will be beautiful.

I am convinced.

The deer is lucky. It runs on, scared, its heart palpitating wildly but alive. Maybe it will die of a heart attack regardless. I care not. I have better delights to concentrate on.

I am going to stop my suffering.

Freesias attack my senses. My nostrils fill, my head spins, and I run, run, run toward the siren call.

I am the prey to _it _now.

There's no way to stop. There's no way to stop me. I will take what I want. I will enjoy it. I want her warm skin in my hands, I want her blood in my body. I see her. She walks on, _oblivious_, just like the deer before her. Am I truly so close to a path? It doesn't matter. I see nothing but her. Everything else is a muddled, forgotten mess outside of her delicious mass.

I am going to drink her dry.

A second; a leap, a bound. She is on the ground, and I hover dominant over her. She is too taken aback, too shocked to even scream. All I see is the throbbing jugular vein, so close underneath my eyes. I glance to her face to see wide brown irises, parted lips. A name escapes from them. It might be mine.

I am too far gone.

There is no control here. There is no holding back. There is only me and this girl's blood. I almost feel bad. It's not her fault her body just _flows _with what I crave like a madman. Humans would alike it to a drug. My personal drug is still frozen beneath me, though not the red river that pounds through her. It has come to the surface - on her face, on her chest, on her neck. It tempts me. I find that I have frozen in delicious expectation a second too long. She has started to realize that all is not right. I have vacated myself too much to even try to comprehend what I must look like to her. All I know is that I have her right where I want her, and the plunge is about to be taken. I only froze to truly take in what I desired for so long but thought never to have. I realize now it is cruel to her. She fears death and she suffers because of it.

I am here to take it away.

I dive down, the tender vein calling. How can I deny its persuasive voice? It is almost surreal as my teeth _finally_ - oh god finally - sink through the white tissue. My eyes widen and I moan in absolute pleasure as I get my first taste. It pours into my mouth like water behind a shattered dam and I can not believe I have denied myself so long. Luscious - flowers taste so much better broken apart.

I am in ecstasy.

I hear something outside my world of mind-blowing desire. Wild gasps and screams. It almost pulls me back. Almost. As I drink and suck what I need down my throat, the thickness of it coating my insides and blacking the fire, _the fire is leaving!_ my mind is justifying to me why I need to continue. The screams - they do not protest. She wants me to do this. She wants me to. _Stop._

I am unable to pull away.

And so I don't. My body is warming up, though the fire is dying. Eventually the screams fade and all noise ceases to emanate from the beautiful vessel in my arms. I drink until there is absolutely nothing left except muscle, tissue, and fat. The fire has died and I have never felt so complete. I finally release my hold on the girl, and she falls, completely limp and paler than I to the ground. After such rapture, I would think it impossible to come down. But…

I am falling fast.

My mind is returning to normal. The control that was left forgotten is restoring itself. I see, really, what I am looking at for the first time. A broken white lily, lying upon the black forest floor. And the hunter, full from his hunt, standing satiated above. If my hands could shake, they would be. One thought flashes through my mind. _What have I done?_

I am…

Alone.

_Mary had a lamb.  
__His eyes black as coal.  
__If we play very quiet, my lamb,  
__Mary never has to know._

**Lose Control**, Evanescence


End file.
